Some believe that shaming and humiliating others will motivate them to change their behaviors and get on the right track. If we tell people all the things they are doing wrong, wouldn’t they want to do something different and make changes towards the right direction? While some experiences of guilt and shame can motivate us to stay away from behaviors that are not socially acceptable, excessive shame can contribute to addiction issues and relapsing.

Research shows that shame is more common in individuals with substance use disorders than those who do not struggle with drugs or alcohol. Many people with addiction issues already struggle with shame; trying to increase shame doesn’t usually work. In fact, a study found that those who attended Alcoholics Anonymous were more likely to relapse within 3 to 11 months if they experienced shame when talking about their past drinking habits. 

What are some reasons why shame can interfere with sobriety?

• You are less likely to seek treatment/counseling, and are more likely to drop out.

Stigma can be a barrier to getting help, and shame is self-stigma. If a person believes that they are bad and shameful, it is self-defeating. What is the use in trying when I always screw things up? If I am a bad person and nothing I do is ever good enough, why would counseling work? Although going to counseling can be an emotional and painful process, it can help us to work past these harmful core beliefs and find healing.

• You are more likely to hide and avoid rather than be vulnerable and honest.

Guilt says I did something wrong. Shame says I am fundamentally wrong and flawed compared to other people. When we feel inferior to others, we may be discouraged from sharing our shortcomings out of fears of how others will perceive us. If a person is not vulnerable with safe people such as mentors, therapists, sponsors, and supportive friends and family members, they may not get the help they need. Distancing oneself from others is a warning sign for relapse.

• You are more likely to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.

Shame is a powerful emotion with defeating and depressing thoughts. Drugs and alcohol are a quick way to silence these thoughts and avoid feeling distress. While this may help in the short term, it can make shame worse in the long term. Until shame is addressed, it will keep coming back. Drinking or using will likely continue shame because we may do things that we regret that do not align with our values, and we aren’t addressing the root of the issue. Shame and addiction can be a vicious cycle that can be hard to break.

When we feel guilt about what we have done, we will want to do things differently. It can encourage us to make healthier choices and avoid hurting ourselves or other people. Shame often goes deeper than guilt. It can be part of a negative schema about the self that has developed over time. Talking to a therapist can be a helpful way to help process negative beliefs about self that lead to mental health and substance use issues. 

Making the call to receive help can be a healthy first step in breaking patterns of shame. If you are interested in exploring this more, feel free to contact a therapist at Charmed Counseling at 509-768-6852.

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Written by Taylor Hocking, LMFTA, SUDP, Clinical Therapist at Charmed Counseling

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