Do you always feel like the other shoe is going to drop?

Guess what…. Life yawl! We will always have ups, downs, and shoes dropping. Look at 2020, anything can happen! Shoes could literally fall from the sky and we would find that normal at this point.

For real though! Do you always feel like the other shoe is going to drop? Like, when something “good” is happening, things are feeling “normal”, or even “joyful” we get this gnawing feeling like something bad has to happen. Why? Because it always does… That’s your brain protecting you. Your thoughts are unconsciously saying “don’t feel too good because LIFE will drop you!” So that it keeps you ‘neutral’.

Brene Brown speaks to this. She has researched and sussed out why we feel sheer anxiety after feeling joyful. The vulnerability. Yes, we feel vulnerable because joy is fragile and what happens if we lose it? That “shoe dropping” is you losing your joy. Thus the anxiety you feel is a self-preservation skill, so that when the joy leaves you; you’re expecting it.

So, how to do “handle” it?

Here’s where you have options.

According to Brene, people who “tolerate” joy better (reduced intensity of joy and misery) are people who have a gratitude practice. This would look like making a gratitude list each day, talking to a caring friend/partner/family member about moments you’re grateful, or thankful for. Institute this with your coworkers or team, share-out your compliments or gratitudes at regular meetings. The goal? Revel in your joys consistently, and regularly. You slow down and acknowledge and validate yourself, and those around you. This helps you hold the joy longer and recognize its significance. When something is heavier, annoying, miserable, does happen (because, again, that’s life) then you’ll be able to move through it. Because you will be carrying the gratitudes in your mind. It helps to lessen the intensity of the “bad” because you’ve reveled in that “good” and it’s sticking with you.

If you’re not a Brene lover and you want concrete ways to rewire your thoughts read on.

It’s important to remember and remind ourselves of our locus of control. What are the things we can control and prepare for? When our anxiety gets the best of us and we get stuck in anticipatory exhaustion of what bad thing will happen next. When this happens we lose out on the now, we lose our control.

Ways we can work through this worry:
Rewiring our brain to think multidimensionally about it. If you find you can’t stop having difficult thoughts, ok, just follow it up with something else! It’s not always ridding yourself of the anxiety, sometimes it’s working with it, recognizing it non-judgmentally.

Follow it up with
Sometimes we think of optimists and we shutter, “that always-sunny silver-lining attitude can be annoying.”. That’s not what we are going for here. It’s more of a neutral, balancing act between seeing something anxiety-inducing and balancing it with grounding yourself and being present in the moment.

You might think: “things are going so well, this can’t last” follow it up with “and that’s ok, life keeps moving forward. This is good today.”

You might think: “our relationship is so good now but what happens when… what if they find out I… when will they leave me, it always happens” follow it up with “if it ends, it ends, I’ll navigate it because I have before and also, it might keep going. They might love that I… when they leave they might find they can’t live without me. I’m happy that today they chose me.”

The Maybe Game
Another way to help your brain think differently about something: add “maybe” in front of a thought or a sentence to help shift your perspective.

You might think “I’m financially successful now but what if I lose my job” think about this and use the word ‘maybe’ in front of each thought “maybe, I won’t lose it but they’ll cut back hours, how will that feel?; maybe, I’m just feeling stressed about this project and the feeling will pass; maybe I should reach out to my coworkers to feel more connected”

You might think: “I’m playing so well right now but what if I get hurt, what if my good streak ends!” … “maybe I keep practicing consistently to keep my muscles loose and not overwork myself; maybe I check in with my team and see how they are feeling about our team work; maybe I try to pass more to keep my connections strong”

Then What
Like the Maybe Game, “then what” is a set of words to add to your thoughts to help you shift your perspective.

You might think: “something bad is about to happen” so add “then what” to talk yourself how you’ll get through it. “Something bad is about to happen. Then what? I’ll figure it out as I go.”

You might think: “the cancer went into remission but what if it comes back? Then what? Then you’ll go to the doctor and talk about it.

There are 3 outside-of-gratitude ways to help rewire your brain; however, I would give the gratitude list a chance. It’s a simple way to extend your good feelings.

Ultimately, strategies are great and also, sometimes we just need to ‘be.’ Sometimes your anxiety of the shoe dropping is your intuition that you might be in danger of some kind. Intuition is an important aspect of being human: we need it, it serves us well, but we need to recognize when it is intuition or when it is anxiety getting in the way of our happiness. One way to determine this is allowing ourselves to sit with those uncomfortable feelings for a bit and just notice them non-judgmentally.

You also don’t need to go at this alone, reach out to a friend, family member, someone you trust. If you want an outside perspective or someone with specialized training please reach out for the support of a mental health therapist, we are here for you!