The Truths About Self-Care

As my clients know, I’m always talking about self-care. Taking time for yourself, finding a hobby, getting a message, etc. However, I’ve come to realize doing this is often only a temporary fix on a more deeply rooted issue. I came across a post by, We’re Not Really Strangers, on Facebook called, The Hard Truths About Self-Care, that made me take a long hard look at what real self-care is all about. I would like to share with you these hard truths and the possible benefits you can receive by following these.

1. You will disappoint some people when you prioritize your self-care: There are so
often expectations put on us by others that we may or may not be aware of. The
problem is, we were not asked if we could meet these expectations. Resentment
builds on both sides and conflict ensues. When you prioritize your own self-care,
you may disappoint others at first, but overall you will be better prepared to
meet their expectations or at least be in a good mind set to discuss them.
2. Self-care often means doing what you don’t feel like doing in the present moment
to benefit the future you: You may feel you don’t have enough time to complete
everything you want to get done, especially taking care of yourself. PRIORITIES
PEOPLE!!! Set small goals for yourself, make a list of what needs to be done and
then prioritize. You don’t have to get that entire list done in one day. Focus
on a few things a day and include taking some time for yourself. Make yourself a
priority and stick with it.
3. Your boundaries will scare some people away. It’s okay. Let them go! The only
people who will get upset with you having boundaries are the ones who benefit from
you not having them! Read that again. It’s okay to say no, it’s okay to not
answer a call or text immediately, and it’s okay to have a day to yourself.
4. Don’t neglect yourself taking care of someone else. You don’t owe anyone your
time, a quick text back, or emotional support when you need to be giving it to
yourself first: On an airplane, who do the flight attendants say to put the oxygen
mask on first? YOU! You are no good to anyone if you are not attending to yourself
first.
5. Neglecting yourself to take care of somebody else may seem like an act of love,
but giving from a place of emptiness only leads to resentment. Towards the other
person and eventually towards yourself: You only have so much to give on a daily
basis and if you are not giving to yourself first you can harden to the fact that
you even need it. Your mood will lean more towards the negative and relationships
suffer. I hear it all the time, “This person takes, takes, takes and never gives
back.” Well why are you letting them? Set those boundaries early and often and
you both will be happier. Well at least one of you will be.
6. Self-care requires letting go of relationships, habits and choices that are
familiar but no longer serve you: We all have at least one person in our lives
that we cringe when we see their name on our phone as it rings. You know you
don’t want to answer it, but you also know if you don’t they won’t stop calling or
texting you until they get what they want. Maybe you have a habit that serves no
other purpose than to waste your time, money and may even jeopardize your health.
Stop! I know it’s not easy, but most things in life worthwhile are not easy.
Find healthier ways of coping. Find healthier, happier people to spend your time
with.
7. It means being honest with yourself, especially when the truth is hard to admit:
This is probably one of the toughest things to grasp. We often tell ourselves
things will turn out the way they are supposed to or things will be okay. Take a
close look at your achievements and ask yourself if they just happened or did you
work hard for them? Ask yourself if things are a want or a need? How will it
benefit you? It is so easy to feel annoyed at ourselves but take it out on
others. The truth hurts sometimes, but it can also lead to great healing.
8. Self-care is hardest to do when we need it the most: Sometimes we may feel like we
don’t deserve it, or we just don’t have enough time in the day. Make that time
because you are worthy for just being you! Quit being so hard on yourself or
holding yourself to such high standards that are impossible to achieve. You
deserve to be taken care of and that care comes from you! It is no one else’s
responsibility to care for you, just as it is not your responsibility to care for
others (outside of your children). Remember, self-care is about loving yourself
enough to know you are worth your own time.

There is no magic pill that will make you happy. Happiness comes from within. It is not your job to make others happy. Your job is to make yourself happy because only you can do it. My clients hear this all the time. You can do everything under the sun for someone and they can still be miserable. That is their choice. Every one of us have choices to make in life. Don’t you think it’s time to choose you?

Written by Debra Winter, MSW, LMHC, LCSAIC